Stop walking on eggshells: How to set and maintain boundaries
Healthy relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, are characterized by mutual respect and open communication. Both parties are willing to give each other the benefit of the doubt, they try to understand each other during conflict, and are willing to take their share of the blame. It is a partnership.
If you find yourself walking on eggshells, it means that the other person has control. This dynamic is not always intentional, it is sometimes perceived rather than fact-based, and can be initiated by either party.
One way we can regain balance is by setting boundaries. Here we explore why we need boundaries, and how to set and maintain them.
[If you are experiencing emotional abuse, please seek professional help. You can book an appointment with one of our therapists here.]
Why we need boundaries
To build and maintain self-respect
To build and maintain self-worth
To teach others how to treat you
To establish what is and isn’t your responsibility
To ensure a relationship is mutually respectful, appropriate, and caring
To take responsibility for your own happiness
To respect different opinions and beliefs
To understand your own values
To stop blaming someone else
The Benefits of Boundaries
1) Better Self Esteem
By making yourself a priority, knowing yourself, your values and your limits, and advocating for yourself
2) Save Emotional Energy
No more guilt, no more resentments! Set your boundary, stick to it, and move on.
3) More Independence and Agency
The more you practice setting and keeping boundaries the more you'll trust in your own ability to speak and be heard.
The 3-step Guide to Setting Boundaries
1) Become Aware that you need a Boundary
Notice the uncomfortable feeling that tells you something is wrong. You feel irritated, annoyed, triggered.
2) Create a Boundary
Make the choice to prioritize yourself. Decide what you need and express it, or remove yourself from triggering situations.
3) Maintain the Boundary
Repeat yourself every time your boundary is challenged. Guilt will arise but remind yourself this is self-care.
A boundary could look like…
I'm not willing to accept you talking to me like that.
This is not my fault. I won’t let you make me take the the blame for this.
If you want to have a conversation with me, it has to come from a place of respect.
I'm not willing to put up with this dynamic anymore.
No, I don’t want to do that/ I don’t have time right now/ that’s not something I’m comfortable doing.
Please don’t tell me how I feel. These are my emotions and I have a right to feel them.
I know you're trying to help but this is my choice to make.
I ‘m going to take some time alone right now.
That joke hurt my feelings, I didn’t find it funny.
If you need help with boundaries or relationships in general, talk to us in our online mental health community here.
