Ed Sheeran Can Do It, So Can You: Stop People Pleasing
If you are a people pleaser…you are not alone (see celebrities below who have also struggled with this)! In fact, it’s a very natural adaptation to your environment. The desire to make others happy and maintain harmonious relationships works, so no wonder it has solidified itself as a behavior pattern! But when caring for others crosses the line into seeking validation or sacrificing yourself, it can become very problematic…quickly. And…stopping something that has worked in the past, can feel nearly impossible.
Here are just a few of the consequences of people pleasing:
Loss of Authenticity: Constantly trying to meet the expectations of others can make people-pleasers lose touch with their true selves. They may develop a persona that aligns with others' expectations but feels disconnected from their genuine identity.
Emotional Exhaustion: The need to always say "yes" and accommodate others' wishes can be emotionally draining, leading to burnout and heightened anxiety.
Diminished Self-Esteem: People-pleasers often tie their self-worth to external validation, leaving them vulnerable to a decrease in self-esteem if they fail to meet others' expectations.
Difficulty in Decision Making: The fear of disappointing others can make decision-making a daunting task, leading to indecisiveness and feeling overwhelmed.
Coping Strategies for Breaking Free:
Recognize the Pattern. (Take our quiz to see where you fall on the people pleasing spectrum.)
Embrace Self-Awareness. Learn to tap into your true wants, needs, and values (this can be an ongoing process that takes practice, especially if it is new for you.)
Practice New Actions. Start with smaller situations to build confidence. Every time you stay true to yourself, you get a little bit stronger.
Get Support! Team up with others who can help you stay strong, and free yourself from guilt by being validated for being YOU, even when it is hard. Especially when it is hard. (We’ve got you covered!)
Challenge Negative Thoughts. Talk back to the thoughts that cause you to doubt yourself or fear the outcome when you don’t please others. (Again, support from others makes this MUCH easier!)
Practice Assertiveness. Learn strategies to communicate your needs effectively. (We’ll teach you!)
Check out this advice from celebrities who have dealt with people pleasing:
This is your one life. Live it. Be YOU.
"People-pleasing is not the same as kindness. It's based in fear and often results in not standing up for oneself." - Brené Brown
“I was someone who could never say no. I had to learn to say no, I had to learn to be OK with not everyone liking me because I was a people-pleaser, a caretaker, and I had to unlearn that. .” -Cheryl Crow
“I can't tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.” – Ed Sheeran
“I gotta stop treating people like I owe them something.” – Tupac
You can overcome this pattern. You can become authentically you. We can help. Learn practical tips and strategies to begin to change or decrease people pleasing behaviors, and get support as you apply them in your day to day life. None of us could do this alone, and you don’t have to either!
Check out our upcoming workshop to gain actionable techniques, specifically designed to stop people pleasing. Sign up FOR FREE.
